Subscribe To Feed

Archive for the Self Developement Category

Carry me in your Arms……

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, ” you are not a man!”
That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did’nt care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.
Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I ll carry you out every morning until we are old.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship.

A man who was an adherent of the Majus religion died an left behind a huge debt. Some of his creditors said to his son, “Sell the house & pay off your father’s debt.” The son said, “If i sell the house & pay off my father’s debt, will he enter paradise?” They said, “No.” He said, “Then leave him in the hellfire & leave me in the house.”

‘Ali bin Fudail related that he heard his father say to Ibn Mubarak, “You order us to seek little from this world, yet we see you trading in merchandise. Please explain how you reconcile one with the other?” He said, “O Abu ‘Ali, i do so only to protect myself (from begging), to be genorous to my family, & to use wealth to help me in obedience to my Lord.” ‘Ali said, “O Ibn Mubarak, if you achieve all of that, then your way of earning & spending are both noble indeed!”

Imam Ibn Taimiyyah (ra) said: “Anyone whose heart is attached to the creation, hoping for someone from the creation to help him or provide for him or guide him, then his heart submits to them & to the degree that his heart submits to them he becomes their slave. This holds true, even if he is outwardly a ruler or a guardian over those whom he treats as masters. The wise one looks at realities & not at appearances. So if a man’s heart is attached to his wife, even though that is permissible, his heart remains a prisoner to her, & she may rule over him as she pleases-though outwardly he is her master & her husband. In reality, he is her prisoner & her slave, especially if she knows how much he is in need of her & how much he feels that she cannot be replaced by anyone else. At that point, she rules over him as the tyrant master rules over subjugated slave, who cannot escape or go free. Indeed for the heart to be taken as a prisoner is a much greater matter than for the body that is a slave can have in it a serene & peaceful & happy heart. As for the heart that is a slave to other than Allaah (the Exalted), then that is true humiliation, imprisonment & slavery.

A wise man once said to his son, “My son, do not become resentful when you are afflicted with trials, for indeed that is tantamount to having bad thoughts about one’s Lord, and also, it gives pleasure to one’s enemy (shaytaan). Do not mock others, for indeed by Allaah, every time I ever mocked anyone, I was afflicted in the same way as the person who I mocked. In this world, man is a target of arrows that come to him successively: some pass him by, some fall short, some fall to his right & others to his left, & some strike him. Know that for every deed, you are rewarded, & how you deal with others is how you will be dealt with. Like the saying goes “WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND!!!” whoever is dutiful to his parents, his children will be dutiful to him. Avoid greed & ambition, for both represent poverty in the present. Fear Allaah as much as you are able. If you are able to make today better than yesterday & tomorrow better than today & your secrets better than your outward deeds, then do so. Beware of deeds that you have to apologize for, for one never has to apologize for goodness. When you stand for prayer, perform the prayer of one who is saying farewell, as if you feel that you will never afterwards pray Again (i.e., that you will die). Adhere to modesty, & you will be of its people. Do not inflict harm upon others; rather give them good, & forgive you are able to. Like the saying goes, “FORGIVE & FORGET!” as a person who does not forgive, will not be forgiven, what goes around, comes around. Do not be miserly if you are asked for something & do not tarry when one seeks help from you. Whoever is stingy, Allaah will make things narrow for him; & whoever gives, Allaah will give him a replacement for what he gave.”

So next time you do/say something to someone,think to yourself,will you like it if it’s done to you???!!!

would you like to have a taste of your own medicine???!!!